Saturday, February 7, 2009

Loving Hate (Blinded by Love part 2)

See, we grow up and we're taught these two emotions - love and hate - and we never get to know love, so we just appreciate hate. We thrive on controversy, with emotions raging to the point where we can't stand the calm and patient. If patience is a virtue that leads to long life, then frustration is that ugly cousin vice that feels so right - I mean momentarily mad, but ultimately we glad cause its that emotion we're used to, so we know what to do, and so we never learn about those virtues, and never know that thing called love.

This aint the way it always was, we tried to give love its fair share. We all have those stories of when we first thought we had it, thought we'd found it. This goes back to a simpler time, before corrupted minds, being meddled with by e-harmony ads on the sublime, sayin its so easy to find and time after time after time, or should I say story after story after story, we stop callin it love and resist the emotion, hopin that'll save us from the sadness and the mysery, but instead it sements sadness into our memory. We vow not to ride the roller-coaster of love, so we stay on the kiddy rides of "I hurt you cause I like you", knowin that thats not true, but its much easier to make her mad than it is to have her make you sad. So we grow to love hate.

Thursday, February 5, 2009


Do you know what its like to be all alone? Some people say they do and they play along. But they don't know what its like to really be all alone. They say they do, but they don't know alone. I don't mean alone like losing a girl or a friend. And I don't mean depressed wishing for your life to end. Truth is, these eries are SEEN by others eyes. Some say sadness is just a part of life. So they'll pat your back and say it'll be alright. See, sadness, people can relate to. But what do you do when nobody can relate to you? And I don't mean the teen, "Nobody understands me"

I mean bein the gleam in their eyes, so bright that your very existence is considered right - a miracle of God. Like where you've got a job that's so hard to get that even mentioning it makes you the shit. And even though you love what you do, it makes you miserable cause its stuff nobody can relate to. So you make a hobby outta talkin to yourself. Can't nobody understand your questions so you answerin em for yourself. Its nowhere to go for help, nobody to talk to. There are people who did it before, but even they confused. They provide advice, but they're worried about the problems in their own life.

Its a road only paved for the few, and I've still got some pavin left to do. Picture that childhood dream that seems impossible to pursue, so most just dream different, set their goals on what they know they can accomplish, only to later in their mid-life crisis, wonder if they coulda accomplished this. But I heard about the struggle and still took the hard road - ignored the naysayers tryin to add to my load. It got to the point where I could see the dream clearly, and right there in the center was me smiling happy. But now when I look up, I aint seein the same stuff. That picture done changed to the point where I don't know what's up. And that's the part of the hard road that wasn't in the brochure. Nobody explained that there'd be NOBODY next to you. I never knew there'd be nobody to talk to, nobody to ask whats goin on. So I sit alone.

Tuesday, February 3, 2009

Changes to Success

These days just aint the same, but I'm resistant to change - like a kid in a new house this world is just gettin strange. So much, so soon, it all seems so new. This stuff I'm not used to: the women the stress, the life, the death, threats in the church of goin to hell, with nobody to tell.

There's no guide, no rules to live by, nobody to ask the when's and why's. Instead we try to make it every day and every way. We listen to what works, who did what, and who got caught. Some stories are true and some just fairy tales, but we still listen like little kids sittin on grandpa's knee talkin about all he had done, and all he'd overcome. We listen to the stories and try to guess the secret to success.

But that secret's like the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. So we search and we search and we search until we lose faith in the search and start to question if this secret even exists. We're told to have faith, which makes us wait longer and longer til that day when fate overcomes faith and we say that there's no way that this way will lead to success. So next we try a new way until we've found it, or we realize that there's no pot of gold at the end of the rainbow and we're left with nowhere to go.
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